Spewtardation, Stepping Down, More Spewtardation  

I don't know what's going on. Seriously. Don't really feel like doing anything these days. I get those episodes, for lack of a better word. Right in the middle of one these these days. It's been a long one, actually. Anyway, when I finally decide to play poker, it's more with the idea that I must log a couple of hands at least, keeping myself from rusting too much, you know. But, as you might imagine, I do not play my best poker... far from it. But I figured I could get by fine, even with sub-par play; this is µNL after all, for Jesus Ferguson's Sake!!! But it seems I need my focus on the game... Had a couple of rough breaks too, though, to be completely honest. A couple of lucky rivers for my opponent, flushing my sets, or hijacking my straights, or simply beating my slightly overplayed top/over pairs... All in all, stuff telling me I'm not playing that bad, and might actually be closer to my normal game than I think, but still being off of it somehow... Bored?!?!?! Not of poker per se, but rather with life. And not in any kind of suicidal fashion, not at all...Seriously. And not in a cynical, jaded, seen-it-all way either. Life's great, don't get me wrong :). It's just plain and simple boredom with my routine, I supposed... And I am such a routine guy :S... Just hoping for some changes, something extravagant to happen, I guess... Something in the vicinity of Grandness...

Writing these last two sentences, I was imagining all the positive stuff that could fit into that category; wining a big cash prize in some poker tourney, falling in love, getting a great new job, the Habs claiming the Cup next year, catching a jaw-dropping, fist-clenching, personal moral threatening movie, random good news from friends or family members... Not in any order, by the way, lol... But re-reading those lines, I envision all the tragic stuff that could, in its own right, fall under the Grandness label; sickness (mine, or any of my relatives), death (ditto), accidents, heartbreaks, unemployment... Guess that's at least a bit part of my being unfocused... out of focus, one might even say (wink@Woody Allen for his Deconstructing Harry :P)... Guess the status quo is good enough, after all ;-).

Anywho, back to the poker side of things, and enough with those babblings. Living on a very tight bankroll can be exhausting. At first, I managed to get about 2 buy-ins above my 10 BIs threshold at NL25, but then got into that unfocused period I'm still in, and dropped about 3 buy-ins before deciding to step down. Sniff sniff, but it felt comfy knowing I could shove when a slight favorite without breaking a sweat at the amount of money in the pot :P (exaggerating a tad here, but you get the drift). But, I also started overplaying borderline hands again, and now find myself still stuck for June and going down... I'm also way off pace for my handlogging target. All in all, still figuring why I don't really feel like playing... I know I had a 'live play' rush kinda thing when I played 3-handed poker on some Friday night and then got a very decent 8-handed homegame on the following Tuesday, but those usually translate into renewed enthusiasm around the virtual felt... To be continued, I guess...